Ready?
Up till the ending, I would change only two things.
DL is lying, dying, in Linderman's office while NIKI urges him up, as before. Make this bigger, he has to get up and get them out, the guards will be there any second, so he finally drags himself up and PUSHES her through the WALL. NIKI turns, exhuberant, to see that it was his last act to get her safe. Only half of him made it through before he died.
And in the Sylar/Hiro standoff earlier on, I would do this:
==================
SYLAR
So we'll just have to see if you can go through time faster than--
HIRO disappears. SYLAR whips back around to see ANDO gone.
==================
The way it was done, Sylar had all the time he needed and more to kill Ando. The director is showing us too much, it gets harder to accept that the other people in the shot don't have the same time to react.
And then the final scene, with as few changes to the original as possible:
==================
SYLAR turns away from where he's just returned PARKMAN's bullets.
PETER and SYLAR face off.
SYLAR
You can't stop it, you know.
PETER
But I'm going to.
PETER makes the first move, GESTURING. SYLAR backs up a step, hurt, but SMILES and GESTURES back. PETER staggers; SYLAR is better at this.
PETER goes INVISIBLE.
SYLAR reacts, looks around, then gets an INVISIBLE PUNCH in the face.
NIKI is holding the kids next to PARKMAN. BENNET is trying to get a clear shot at SYLAR. MOHINDER is trying to help PARKMAN while marveling at the display of powers.
NIKI
What the hell is going on?
BENNET
The end of the world.
SYLAR gets hit again, then we IRIS in on his ear as he LISTENS. Quick as snakebite he THRUSTS his hand out to the side and we see PETER appear, hurtling through the air and then STOPPING, hanging in midair and choking. PETER gasps and clutches at his neck.
SYLAR
Let's try this again...
SYLAR lifts his finger and starts to do his cutty thing, but a PARKING METER catches him upside the head. NIKI SWINGS it around and brings it down on him but SYLAR throws an arm up and the parking meter STOPS a foot away. NIKI pulls it back and SWINGS it down again; it stops but BENDS a little from the impact. SYLAR is sweating, now, he's not used to holding out against that kind of strength, but he manages to hurl the meter away, NIKI going with it.
SYLAR gets up. We see PETER, still coughing, kneeling a few feet away. SYLAR steps forward... and HIRO appears in front of him.
SYLAR grabs at him but HIRO's gone already. SYLAR HEARS a rustle and moves to the left in time to avoid HIRO's sword coming at him from behind. SYLAR dodges wildly as HIRO pops in and out dozens of times, all around him, badgering him until, dazed, SYLAR faces PETER, who decks him.
PETER
(yelling)
Everybody get out of here! He could still go!
SYLAR looks up from the ground. He chuckles.
SYLAR
You don't understand, do you? I've seen it. The explosion. It's you.
SYLAR stands up and GRABS PETER's arms.They struggle. PETER reacts to the proximity of so many powers in one person; we see him losing it and we see him realize he's losing it. Maybe different aspects of the abilities happen around him. He's starting to GLOW.
SYLAR
I'm the hero!
SYLAR lets go of PETER, who falls to the ground, revealing HIRO behind him. Before anyone can react, HIRO stabs SYLAR.
SYLAR curls up, flinging out an arm. HIRO is thrown away and VANISHES. SYLAR collapses; his EYES turn WHITE and we see images flashing across them, ending in himself lying there.
NIKI, MOLLY, MICAH, and BENNET approach. PETER is glowing more brightly now and obviously in pain. He SCREAMS and tries to LAUNCH himself up but only gets a few feet before dropping again.
PETER
I can't hold it! I can't...
The same destructive, radioactive glow we saw Ted release in Bennet's house begins to emanate from PETER and everyone scrambles back from him. BENNET raises the gun but can't see PETER clearly.
BENNET
Dammit, I can't--
CLAIRE
(coming from behind him)
I can.
She grabs the gun from a surprised BENNET's hand and RUNS towards the maelstrom. PETER sees her.
PETER
(screaming)
DO IT!
CLAIRE raises the gun, crying. Her skin starts to REDDEN and PEEL. Her finger tightens on the trigger.
A CAR comes hurtling around the corner and blocks her. NATHAN jumps out, pushing an incredibly pissed off ANGELA and rushing both her and CLAIRE to relative safety with the others.
ANGELA
You can't do this! This has to happen! You're throwing it all away!
NATHAN
Have to, mom. Like you said, the city needs me.
(winks at CLAIRE)
I love you.
NATHAN turns towards PETER, who reacts.
PETER
No, Nathan, you can't--
NATHAN FLIES over, grabs PETER, and rises incredibly quickly into the sky.
ANGELA
(screaming)
NATHAN!!!
Now we're with the brothers in midair, at incredible speed. NATHAN's skin is BLISTERING fast.
PETER
No! You'll die!
NATHAN
But they won't. You won't.
(gasps in pain)
Love you, bro. Tell Heidi and the kids I--
Explosion.
======================
Fill in whatever dialogue I forgot that seems appropriate. Close with some of the heroes getting away before the cops arrive -- how the heck are they going to explain this? Why wasn't everyone hauled off for questioning? And I've heard rumors that Nathan appears next season so the closing bit would have to accomodate whatever hanging plot points might exist that I don't know about.
But, same general plot, paced better and with fewer "why doesn't he just...?" questions. We get to see various heroes work together. We get to see Angela's reaction to Nathan's sacrifice, which frankly I felt cheated out of. And we don't have people wasting time on emotional goodbye scenes when there's a freaking bomb about to happen.
Obviously your opinion (and Mr. Kring's) will vary.
SYLAR turns away from where he's just returned PARKMAN's bullets.
PETER and SYLAR face off.
SYLAR
You can't stop it, you know.
PETER
But I'm going to.
PETER makes the first move, GESTURING. SYLAR backs up a step, hurt, but SMILES and GESTURES back. PETER staggers; SYLAR is better at this.
PETER goes INVISIBLE.
SYLAR reacts, looks around, then gets an INVISIBLE PUNCH in the face.
NIKI is holding the kids next to PARKMAN. BENNET is trying to get a clear shot at SYLAR. MOHINDER is trying to help PARKMAN while marveling at the display of powers.
NIKI
What the hell is going on?
BENNET
The end of the world.
SYLAR gets hit again, then we IRIS in on his ear as he LISTENS. Quick as snakebite he THRUSTS his hand out to the side and we see PETER appear, hurtling through the air and then STOPPING, hanging in midair and choking. PETER gasps and clutches at his neck.
SYLAR
Let's try this again...
SYLAR lifts his finger and starts to do his cutty thing, but a PARKING METER catches him upside the head. NIKI SWINGS it around and brings it down on him but SYLAR throws an arm up and the parking meter STOPS a foot away. NIKI pulls it back and SWINGS it down again; it stops but BENDS a little from the impact. SYLAR is sweating, now, he's not used to holding out against that kind of strength, but he manages to hurl the meter away, NIKI going with it.
SYLAR gets up. We see PETER, still coughing, kneeling a few feet away. SYLAR steps forward... and HIRO appears in front of him.
SYLAR grabs at him but HIRO's gone already. SYLAR HEARS a rustle and moves to the left in time to avoid HIRO's sword coming at him from behind. SYLAR dodges wildly as HIRO pops in and out dozens of times, all around him, badgering him until, dazed, SYLAR faces PETER, who decks him.
PETER
(yelling)
Everybody get out of here! He could still go!
SYLAR looks up from the ground. He chuckles.
SYLAR
You don't understand, do you? I've seen it. The explosion. It's you.
SYLAR stands up and GRABS PETER's arms.They struggle. PETER reacts to the proximity of so many powers in one person; we see him losing it and we see him realize he's losing it. Maybe different aspects of the abilities happen around him. He's starting to GLOW.
SYLAR
I'm the hero!
SYLAR lets go of PETER, who falls to the ground, revealing HIRO behind him. Before anyone can react, HIRO stabs SYLAR.
SYLAR curls up, flinging out an arm. HIRO is thrown away and VANISHES. SYLAR collapses; his EYES turn WHITE and we see images flashing across them, ending in himself lying there.
NIKI, MOLLY, MICAH, and BENNET approach. PETER is glowing more brightly now and obviously in pain. He SCREAMS and tries to LAUNCH himself up but only gets a few feet before dropping again.
PETER
I can't hold it! I can't...
The same destructive, radioactive glow we saw Ted release in Bennet's house begins to emanate from PETER and everyone scrambles back from him. BENNET raises the gun but can't see PETER clearly.
BENNET
Dammit, I can't--
CLAIRE
(coming from behind him)
I can.
She grabs the gun from a surprised BENNET's hand and RUNS towards the maelstrom. PETER sees her.
PETER
(screaming)
DO IT!
CLAIRE raises the gun, crying. Her skin starts to REDDEN and PEEL. Her finger tightens on the trigger.
A CAR comes hurtling around the corner and blocks her. NATHAN jumps out, pushing an incredibly pissed off ANGELA and rushing both her and CLAIRE to relative safety with the others.
ANGELA
You can't do this! This has to happen! You're throwing it all away!
NATHAN
Have to, mom. Like you said, the city needs me.
(winks at CLAIRE)
I love you.
NATHAN turns towards PETER, who reacts.
PETER
No, Nathan, you can't--
NATHAN FLIES over, grabs PETER, and rises incredibly quickly into the sky.
ANGELA
(screaming)
NATHAN!!!
Now we're with the brothers in midair, at incredible speed. NATHAN's skin is BLISTERING fast.
PETER
No! You'll die!
NATHAN
But they won't. You won't.
(gasps in pain)
Love you, bro. Tell Heidi and the kids I--
Explosion.
======================
Fill in whatever dialogue I forgot that seems appropriate. Close with some of the heroes getting away before the cops arrive -- how the heck are they going to explain this? Why wasn't everyone hauled off for questioning? And I've heard rumors that Nathan appears next season so the closing bit would have to accomodate whatever hanging plot points might exist that I don't know about.
But, same general plot, paced better and with fewer "why doesn't he just...?" questions. We get to see various heroes work together. We get to see Angela's reaction to Nathan's sacrifice, which frankly I felt cheated out of. And we don't have people wasting time on emotional goodbye scenes when there's a freaking bomb about to happen.
Obviously your opinion (and Mr. Kring's) will vary.
- Mood:
disappointed
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Comments
Much.
Better.
In my ideal version, Angela's not there, though. (I don't feel cheated out of her reaction, for some reason. Huh. Maybe 'cause she's so peripheral to me that I think it would distract from other stuff that I'd rather see? Dunno.) Actually, there would be an earlier scene of Nathan and her boarding the helicopter. Really make us think that Nathan's made the wrong choice. And then Nathan's arrival onto the scene would NOT be set up with that s-l-o-w shot of him arriving; he would rather WHOOSH through dramatically and, I think, take the gun out of Claire's hands before she could shoot it, then circle around and land to confront Peter. (But YES there really really did have to be some nuclear burning of people. I'm wondering if they ran out of budget or especially time for VFX.)
...Also I was trying to think of a way to make it clear that it's Peter's proximity to four new powers (Sanders family & Molly) that made him blow, (since he's been around Sylar before, he theoretically had all he was going to get already from that) but I was running into timeline issues since none of those people save Micah were anywhere near the square in the future that led to "Five Years Gone," and Peter still went boom in that scenario.
Oh, and to keep this related to what you actually posted (well *there's* a concept), your D.L./Niki scene was a total stroke of brilliance, fixing something I didn't even know was wrong. Holy crap was that a good idea.
Um, and thanks so much for letting me, random anonymous person, run off at the brain like this in your journal comments. Sorry about that. I think I'll be off now to post some of this in my own journal, 's why I've got one, after all, no need to clutter yours further. Thanks again.
(My super power is denial. Don't underestimate it.)
thumbs up
DL died in my version because after such a buildup, having no dead heroes was almost a letdown, odd as that sounds.
Angela is only there because I wanted to see her reaction. Given time, I would have come up with a better, smoother way to do it than having Nathan drag her along.
I wanted visible proof that Peter couldn't just fly away. We had to assume that it was taking everything he had to just hold it together, but with the lack of urgency it just wasn't there.
I wanted the nuclear buildup, Tedd nearly taking out Bennet's house was more exciting than Peter nearly taking out a city. He glowed. Ooh. With the time saved by speeding up the action, I think I'd have the remaining heroes working together to get away or throw up a barrier or something; moving away from Peter as much as possible, to make Claire's and then Nathan's advance that much more impressive (and more reminiscent of Peter's prophetic dream way back when).
There are still plenty of questions. When are there empty streets in New York, at any time of night? Where were the bystanders? And why aren't the cops hauling everyone off? Weird sounds, wounded people, huge explosion over the city? They'd all be rounded up, no question, and we should have seen the FBI agent there running things.
And yet, with all that, I still loved the show and very nearly liked the finale. All the pieces (mostly) fit for me; I just couldn't stand the pacing.